Sunday, August 23, 2009


That's what they say, anyway...all good things must come to an end. Does this always have to be true?

For those of you who have followed my blog for a while, I'm sure you know about my partner, Andrew (thebuxstophere). We'd been together for almost 7 years. That good thing came to an end this week. We'd been having our issues for a while, but were taking steps to work on those. (or so I thought)

Now, I could sit here and rant all day about the reasons and circumstance around our breakup, but this isn't really the place for that. Besides, why would I bore all of you with our trivial problems.

Instead, I want to focus on the good that we had. I've spent some time being angry and trying to sort through the emotions that go along with a breakup and while I'm just in the beginning stages of all that, I've come to realize that being angry really doesn't serve anyone well and while it is a necessary emotion, truly is a waste of energy if not dealt with and then let go of.

I met Andrew in November of 2002. Sitting across that table from him, having dinner on our first date, I couldn't help but think, "how could I be so lucky?" This guy sort of just popped into my life just 1 week before in an internet chat room. When I first saw his picture, I was immediately taken buy his charming good looks. The olive skin and the dark brown eyes were certainly "my type". As our chats went on through that week, we made plans to meet and have dinner.

That was the beginning of what I feel was some of the best years of my life. We traveled together, we shared so much of our lives with one another. I met and developed a wonderful bond with his family. Though they were spread all the way across the country, his sister, Monica in New Jersey and his parents in Washington state, we all came together, usually a couple of times a year and had a wonderful time together. I was welcomed into the family right from the very start.

My family welcomed Andrew in different ways, but they welcomed him just the same. I'll never forget my Mom's words to me a few days after Andrew had dinner with my family for the first time. "he's a good eater." You see, that's what's important to my Mom. She raised a large family and the biggest compliment you could pay her is to sit down at her table and eat like you're hungry and then take seconds. She was pleased.
Later, when I shared my Mom's comment with Andrew, he wasn't really sure how to take it. We had a good laugh over it, but I think he understands what she meant.

Over the years we gave to each other in different ways. Andrew was always a very generous person with me. He would surprise me with vacations, concert tickets and even just little day trips to places he knew I'd like.
I gave to him in my own ways as well. Being raised with the father I have, I learned a lot of things about car maintenance, home improvement and basically just doing things for yourself rather than hiring it done. Over the years of doing things like that I got pretty good at it and that was one of the ways I gave to Andrew. Fixing his broken dryer when he was ready to haul it to the curb, replacing windows in his house, painting, fence building, kitchen remodels, wiring and basic home repair and upgrades. A lot of those things were done while we were living together, so I guess you could argue that they were actually done for both of us, but I like to think that they did mean something to him.

I guess my point is, we gave to each other in a lot of ways that were sincere and thoughtful - the way it should be in a relationship.

Unfortunately, issues that started out as minor were allowed to go unresolved between us and grew into larger problems to the point where they just couldn't be fixed. I feel truly saddened and regretful about that. We both share equally in letting things go unresolved and I hope we have both learned from our mistakes and won't repeat them in future relationships.

I've learned a lot from Andrew and I know he has learned a lot from me. Am I sad by our breakup? Of course, but I know the process of healing has to take place for both of us and after we've had our recovery time, I think we'll both look back at the past 7 years as a wonderful and very valuable experience for us both that neither of us will ever forget.

The one thing I am regretful of is the fact that due to circumstances around the end of our relationship, we will never be able to be friends or even speak to each other again for reasons we are both aware of.

So, as this long and uncomfortable process begins for me, I really want to thank a few very good friends for their emotional support and for just being there when they are needed most. They know who they are. Though they live across the country and while I can't physically feel their hugs, I know they are there and I can feel them emotionally.

Must all good things end? No. ALL good things do not end. Some do, but not all. Things that end are always replaced by the beginning of something else. Sometimes it's just difficult and takes a while to see it.